Multiple Voices

Achieving Co-Consciousness: Trauma Work

Most people would agree that working through the traumatic memories of abuse and neglect is one of the main pathways that lead to co-consciousness. However, trauma work does not stop once a memory has been shared with the therapist and its meaning has been interpreted in a new way. Trauma work also means to restore self-capacities that were arrested or did not develop. Take for example a memory that led to the part holding it coming to the conclusion “You can’t trust people” and acts accordingly.

Achieving Co-Consciousness: Healing Narcissistic Self-Parts

In general I have a great aversion against labels – certainly against psychiatric labels that put a person into a defined box. Labels often have a stigma attached to the, for example DID, borderline, bipolar, or narcissistic. I am going to use narcissistic self parts here because if anyone wants to read up on this particular point, you can go on a google search and find plenty of information out there.

Narcissistic wounding, like other emotional wounding, often occurs early on in childhood. These wounds usually affect a person’s behaviour and personality throughout her/his life unless healing of these wounds is taking place.

Achieving Co-Consciousness: Self-Acceptance-And-Love

On the first glance people may ask “What has co-consciousness to do with loving yourself and accepting all the different parts of you?” My answer to that is “Everything!”

If there is a part of you that you dislike, are afraid of, or even feel disgust for, you will stay away from that part ‘full stop’. If co-consciousness means to know to a large extend what other parts know, feel what they feel, and be able to act as they act, staying away from a part of you will increase the walls that divide you and prevent co-consciousness, not decrease them.

Achieving Co-Consciousness

When a multiple notices that s/he is starting to remember and feel things s/he hadn’t before, things normally felt and remembered by another part of her, a very important milestone of recovery has been achieved.

A great deal of self-acceptance, learning to tolerate distress, and working on hard to hold memories will have occurred when a Multiple has gained co-consciousness. It’s a great achievement given that DID is all about having experiences that are too hard to hold in one place and therefore being ‘stored’ in the corners of one’s mind that are fiercely protected from access. A bit like Fort Knox, you just can’t leisurely stroll in there.

So, how is co-consciousness achieved, and how can a Multiple be helped or help her/himself in that process? That’s a great question I have been asked a few days ago. I wished it would be a simple one to answer. But it’s not! Well, what did I expect, if it were simple people would do it at the drop of their hat and not wait for a therapist to come along to enlighten them.

The Body Pays The Price

Leonie was very tired. Her shoulders have dropped and her head had fallen forward resting on her chest. Unable to muster the strength needed for balancing her head upright on her fatigued body, Leonie feels the floor opening and becoming a vortex inviting her into the never ending downwards spiral.  She hears a seductive whisper beckoning her to succumb, “Let go, let go. You have fought long enough. You can rest now!”

Life Beyond Trauma Conference October 09

I have been asked by the conference organisers to post the information about this amazing conference on my blog. The conference takes place in October 2009 in Dallas, Texas. It sounds like a great opportunity for professionals, survivors, and Multiples alike to network, get ideas, and get help for the next 'leg' of your recovery! Here it goes: (I have copied the text from their website Life Beyond) check it out if you want to know more.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> read this

Thoughts about DID, Diagnosis, and Parts

You might have noticed that I started telling the story of Anna, a person with multiple parts to her personality. If you want to know how Anna’s parts came to exist, and why, you will find many books, websites, and articles that talk about DID and alternate parts. I am getting a bit tired of all these clever explanations like the one in Wikipedia: “a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual's behaviour with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness”.

Finding A Safe Place - Part 2

Before Molly and Caretaker went up the stairs that had been hacked into the tree trunk Caretaker made sure that all the entrances to the tree were securely closed. Up in the crown they stepped onto the wide landing from which solid wooden doors led to the rooms. Here Muma awaited Molly and took her into her soft big arms. ‘Sweetie, come to Muma. I have a cup of hot chocolate for you and then it’s time to go to bed’.  Molly loved Muma. She had a big wobbly tummy and everywhere you touched her she had lots of soft, fleshy bits. No sharp bony bits sticking out and hurting you like the Mammy person has. Everything was soft and warm and you could just let yourself fall into her.

After Molly had her chocolate drink Muma put her to bed in the pink room which was the girl’s nursery. They had to be quiet not to wake the other kids. Muma made sure that everyone was safely tugged in under their blankets. She gave Molly her the little stuffed rabbit and left the pink room. It was a long hard day and Muma was tired. Fatigue had taken over her body filling her limbs with the heaviness of lead weights. But the day’s work was not done yet. She quickly turned to the left and went up the flight of six stairs to the large common room. Star had called a meeting for the six group leaders of the Tree People Muma, Caretaker, Star, Josey, Christal, and Vincent. Everyone else, except Caretaker, was already there. Caretaker had gone down the tree again to make sure the body was alright. They can rely on him. He will stay and holding watch all night.

In the common room Star had already told the others what had happened with the new therapist. Muma looked around when she entered the room. Star had put a lot of cushions on the floor so that everyone had something to sit on. She looked tired. Being out and controlling the body took all her energy. Star is the not used to be out. She is the angel on the inside. When the body was very little, Anna was preying to God to send an angel to look after her. Star is the answer to these prayers. She is holding everything that is good and benign. She is holding the thread of consciousness. She knows everything that happened. She knows everything that goes on for others – everything they feel and everything they think. She holds the information but not the feelings. Everybody listens to what Star says. Correction: almost everyone.

Vincent has been pacing the room nervously. Muma could see how worried he was when he said: ‘I can see a lot of problems coming from going back to therapy.  The kids will be all over the place, they will be reminded of all the bad stuff that happened – just see how little was needed today for Molly to end up tied at the tree again’. I don’t know whether counselling is a good idea. We’ve been doing ok, haven’t we?  I don’t know if I can keep everyone safe’. Amadeus and the Darkside will feed on the emotional chaos and get stronger and stronger and we might not be able to stop Anna from taking her life’.

‘I could see whether I could put some of the kids 'to sleep’, Muma suggested, it could help. Star shuck her head. ‘No, it wouldn’t work. A lot of therapy work involves the kids so that they can stop hurting. It’s their hurting that sets most problems into motion’. But Muma was not going to give in so easily. She knew that the kids had more resources than the older one’s gave them credit for. She was just about to suggest that Sunny could be the bridge between the kids and the therapist when Crystal got up and put a stop to the conversation. ‘We can’t really do anything just yet. We don’t know how things will turn out, whether Anna will stay with the therapist, what Amadeus is planning, and how the kids will respond. All we can do is making sure that we are on full alert to step in as soon as we are needed. I think we should all go to sleep and get some rest. We all need it to be ready for what is coming'.

Finding a Safe Place

When the woman turned around and started walking back to the house, Molly starred at her in disbelief. She wanted to call out to her ‘Don’t leave me here, please Mammy, take me with you’, but she couldn’t make a single sound. Caretaker had quickly put his hand over her mouth and hissed ‘Quiet. No sound.’ He knew the punishment would even be harsher if she protested. Although Molly was glad that she was not alone in the garden, she was unable to stop her little 3 year old body from shivering of fear and of cold. As she tried to put her arms around herself she noticed that she was tied to the tree. She looked around in panic to find her friends. ‘Where have they gone?’ Her eyes tried to penetrate the darkness in the hope to make out the familiar faces of the other Tree People.

To the unsuspecting eye this garden was just a normal suburban back yard. Big bushes and trees gave the house owners privacy from prying neighbours and provided shelter from the unforgiving sun during the day.  Anna  loved the  rare occasions when her mother  allowed her to play in the garden. There were many rules of how to play, what not to do, what not to touch. But there was something about the garden that comforted her. She couldn’t say what it was that comforted her. Maybe it was the warm earth. Often Anna sat in the garden and started dreaming. At least, that what she called it. She dreamed of how wonderful it would be to live in the tree like the birds. She loved the tree. She was sure that nobody would find her if she would be able to climb up all the way to the top. Anna never noticed the Tree People. She had no idea that they were there, watching every move she made. Watching all the time. Watching!

Molly didn’t look for Anna, no, she was looking for her friends. Anna was not her friend. Anna was a big girl that was often close by, but Molly didn’t like her much. She was not funny, didn’t play with her, didn’t sing like Kelly who sang songs like ‘row, row, row, the boat’ or ‘strawberry – bawberry’ when Molly was sad, scared, or hurting. No, Anna was boring. ‘Kelly, where are you”, Molly called out softly as she felt the chill of the night breeze washing over her small body. She was scared. Now, at 10 o’clock at night, the garden was scary alright. Molly glanced over to the Feijoa tree that looked like a big hairy monster.

The faint light the moon was able to cast from behind a thin layer of grey clouds formed patterns of shadows in the backyard that looked like dangerous beasts to Molly. Caretaker knew she was too little to understand that the monsters were not to be found in the garden. They lived in the white house that rose up from behind the Feijoa tree. He then felt that the cold had numbed Molly’s hands that were tied behind the tree. ‘Come’ he whispered softly ‘she’s not coming back to get you’. He put gently his strong arms around Molly and pressed her caringly to his chest while he disappeared with her through the bark into the sanctuary the tree provided.  Molly was safe now.

The Leap Of Faith When Starting Therapy

Trusty knew better than to waste time when he traveled to the little seaside village of Shelly Bay. His dark eyes concentrated on the narrow road winding down the hill that enclosed with loving arms what was once a little settlement but had become a township with many new houses, businesses, and shops. He didn’t notice the little pearls of sweat running down his forehead or the breath-taking heat in the car. He concentrated on the traffic because the worst thing that could happen would be having an accident or being stopped by the police. The panic it would cause the Tree People would be horrendous.  He was glad traffic has not been as busy as it was in the city. He hates it when people compromise his safety by driving too close or cutting in  in front of him.