How to support your friends and family who are traumatised

In the wake of drastic cuts of funding for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, my colleage Graz Amber has prepared a pamphlet for "HOW TO HELP" that might come in handy when people can't get the services they urgently need and might have come to rely on. Graz was so kind to allow this pamphlet to be published here:

Hearing of threats to the ACC Sensitive Claims service, particularly if it is your lifeline, could act as a possible trigger for retraumatisation [stressful and unhelpful re-experiencing of trauma] or secondary trauma [ coping with emotional and traumatic stuff in others takes it out on your body, mind and soul too ]. Here is what you could expect:

You might notice in those triggered:

1. Shock and numbness – feeling scattered, unable to make decisions or to concentrate;
2. Being walled off from the world and their emotions.
3. Dissociation [losing connection with own memories, current sensations, bodily movements and reactions and / or sense of who you are]. Increased avoidance and or periods of sudden tears and despair.
4. A loss of safety and trust; social withdrawal; low energy 
5. An increase in anxiety, being ‘on-guard’, easily startled or irritated 
6. An increase in ‘clingy’-ness or aggression
7. Expressions of anger, fear or sadness or it may be as strong and overwhelming as rage, terror or grief.
8. Bodily responses such as increased heartbeat and blood pressure, knots in the throat making it hard to speak, pale or clammy and cold skin, difficulty breathing, stomach knotting up, racy thoughts
9. Disturbances to eating, drinking, sleeping [including nightmares], ability to concentrate, 
10. Acting reckless, increases in consumption of alcohol, drugs, gambling, and other out-of-control behaviours.

What you can do

1. Be kind, spend time with them, encourage them to talk, and listen – help them remember they are not alone
2. Check if they are feeling like they need to hurt themselves or someone else – and get help from their doctor if  they are 
3. Offer protection and reassurance that these feelings are normal responses to trauma, are okay and will pass if you don’t fight them and speak them out
4. Help them keep active and busy, to focus on what they are good at, what makes their heart sing and how they best cope
5. Help them ground / centre – notice what is around them and name it (e.g. six blue objects in the room), use their brains to tell you for instance, four places in the world and what red objects might be found there, make their body connect firmly with what is supporting it (chair, ground, sofa,), tell you something factual like their date and place of birth, seven native trees, two cabinet ministers,  or what they had for breakfast that morning.
6. Encourage healthy eating and physical exercise, like going for a run or a hard-out swim, and good rest and refreshment
7. Encourage them to set small realistic goals and follow them through – perhaps to do one thing that scares them every day

Remember to do all this for yourself – be your own best friend too

Good contacts for further information

• Most sexual assault agencies are posted in the Personal Emergencies section of the Telecom White Pages. In emergencies call 111    
• Support for survivors of sexual violence and abuse and their whanau/friends: 

• Doctors for sexual abuse care:

• Māori Te Puna Directory:

• Pasifika