Leonie was very tired. Her shoulders have dropped and her head had fallen forward resting on her chest. Unable to muster the strength needed for balancing her head upright on her fatigued body, Leonie feels the floor opening and becoming a vortex inviting her into the never ending downwards spiral. She hears a seductive whisper beckoning her to succumb, “Let go, let go. You have fought long enough. You can rest now!”
Continue reading "The Body Pays The Price" »
Making a good decision is often experienced as being very difficult for
abuse survivors. Too much of the traumatic past intrudes into the 'here
and now' situation and colours one's judgement. Danger is felt in
situations that are now perfectly safe. Yet it appears very hard not to
react to those 'danger signals'. Decisions are often made on the basis
of THEN and don't take into account that NOW is different. Now you are
not a helpless child anymore, now you have a brain that can link cause
and effect much clearer, now you have access to support.
Continue reading "Making Wise Decisions" »
There comes a time in everyone's recovery - whether you are a multiple or a singleton - where you have to become your own best friend. It always amazes me to see how much head ache is caused by the fact that survivors of sexual abuse go way out of their way to 'be there for others', helping family, friends, neighbours, or colleagues while they run out of time to attend to their own needs. They don't have time to get the rest they need, the relaxation, or the fun. They practically don't get any 'me-time'.
Continue reading "Becoming Your Own Best Friend" »
I just saw the last comment by ..... to the first post of confronting the abuser. You wonder why you weren't able to stop the other kids to hurt you because you were the same age. Let me explain the concept of learned helplessness. Its a hideous dynamic that leads to a sense of helplessness and giving up.
It has all to do with knowing that you have control over the outcome. They've done heaps of research with humans and animals whereby the research subject has been given electro shocks independently from what they did, whether they completed a task successfully or not. The subjects learned that whatever they did or didn't do, nothing would prevent them from being hurt. They had no way of controlling whatever happened to them. As a result they gave up, became passive, and did not make any attempt to protect themselves. They have learned no matter what they did, they wouldn't be able to affect the outcome.
Continue reading "Confronting the Abuser: Learned Helplessness" »
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