Gudrun Frerichs, PhD

The Economic Down-Turn and Mental Health

For a long time people in New Zealand enjoyed a good life! After all, aren’t  we living in ‘Godzone”? Yes, we are still living in one of the most beautiful places in the world. However, the world-wide economic down-turn also effects us in li’l old New Zealand. Lots of people who struggled for years with their mental and physical health know the impact of financial insecurity and (-hopefully-) have a fair understanding of how/where to get help, and what they can do to help themselves.

Request: The 4th Step in Effective Communication

I have written previously about the steps of the Connecting Dialogue, a strategy of communicating with others that has a great chance of getting your needs met. It's also great for resolving conflict. For an outline of the whole 4 step process go to "The Connecting Dialogue"

Below you'll find a video clip from an accomplished NVC trainer who explaines in more detail the importance of the steps. Here is the 4th step: Making a Request:

Needs: The 3rd Step in Effective Communication

I have written previously about the steps of the Connecting Dialogue, a strategy of communicating with others that has a great chance of getting your needs met. It's also great for resolving conflict. For an outline of the whole 4 step process go to "The Connecting Dialogue"

Below you'll find a video clip from an accomplished NVC trainer who explaines in more detail the importance of the steps. Here is the first step: Expressing Your Needs:

Feelings: The 2nd Step in Effective Communication

I have written previously about the steps of the Connecting Dialogue, a strategy of communicating with others that has a great chance of getting your needs met. It's also great for resolving conflict. For an outline of the whole 4 step process go to "The Connecting Dialogue"

Below you'll find a video clip from an accomplished NVC trainer who explaines in more detail the importance of the steps. Here is the first step: Expressing a Feeling:

Observation: The First Step in Effective Dialogues

I have written previously about the steps of the Connecting Dialogue, a strategy of communicating with others that has a great chance of getting your needs met. It's also great for resolving conflict. For an outline of the whole 4 step process go to "The Connecting Dialogue"

Below you'll find a video clip from an accomplished NVC trainer who explaines in more detail the importance of the steps. Here is the first step: Making an observation.

Active Listening in Compassionate Communication

Those who have done a communication skills course or downloaded my "Improve your Communication" home study course will know about the importance of active listening.

When I teach active listening in my courses, people feel really awkward to apply the skills. Indeed, it takes a real paradigm shift to move from the "normal" stance in communication, that is usually all about "ME", to the stance of compassionate communication, that is all about "US".

You might wonder about the expression "giraffe talk" versus "jakal talk" - the giraffe in Non Violent Communication stands for coming from a heart space, the jakal talk stands for coming from a critical position.

The video clip posted here will give you examples of how to apply active listening skills and combine them with principles of compassionate communication. I've called these principles "The Connecting Dialogue" in a previous post.

How Can You Help Unhappy Friends?

Dr. Martin Seligman, professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and Director of the Positive Psychology Center, and founder of the field of positive psychology, answers the questions: how can I use positive psychology with my unhappy friends? What should be available for unhappy people? How do I use positive psychology? Hear it from “the horses mouth” – Dr. Martin Seligman talks about positive psychology and authentic happiness.

Source: www.ted.com

What Helps When Your Are Grieving?

Losing someone or something you have cared about deeply is a huge blow to your SELF-system. You might as well look at it as a SELF-crisis. At a time like that it is of utmost importance that you reduce the stress by making sure your physical and emotional energy does not get depleted.  Looking after your physical and emotional well-being in times of grief and sorrow is one of the most important and useful steps you can take to help yourself. You can look after your emotional health by finding ways to express your feelings.

Change Your Mood With Your Body

One thing is sure there are a whole lot of depressed people in this world. You can easily spot them when you observe people while sitting at the beach, waiting for the next bus, or sipping a wonderfully brewed Moccacino.

How will you spot them? They usually are walking hesitantly rather than striding confidently, avoiding looking at people, slouching with their upper body, having an earnest face or frown, and staring at the ground. The body expresses the person’s inner state and, equally, perpetuating it. You can try this out right now. Sit with your head down, letting your shoulders slouch forward, breathe shallow, maybe let a sigh. You can NOT NOT feel low of energy and depressed.

Communication: What Not To Do - Part II

Following on from the previous post, there are some more 'NO-NO's' that, if you fall in the trap of using them, will certainly bring discord or stress into your relationships.

Fighting Dirty
Fighting dirty is a recipe for disconnecting rather than for CONNECTING. It actually indicates that the attacking person has very little self-awareness, and very few skills with which to deal with conflict situations. Rather than expressing how annoyed, hurt, or exasperated he/she is, an attack on the partner’s person-hood is chosen. Common examples are: “You are not a real man, you can’t stand up to your brother”, “You can’t even string proper sentences together”.