Gudrun Frerichs, PhD

Facts About Being Gay

There are a lot of myths, facts, semi-facts, and wild stories that circulate around homosexuality. The following video is a 5 minute Tiki-Tour of education about some of the facts regard 'gay-ness' that have such a hard time to combat old theories of:

1. The absent or domineering parent
2. It's un-natural
3. It's a choice

and new theories of:

1. It's in the genes
2. It may be about having older brothers ! <:0

A Model Of Change

Many people want to make changes in their lives. Change can have many faces, but no matter what change people aim for, it's always a difficult process. Whether you want to loose weight, stop smoking, exercise regularly, stop eating sugar, or leave a relationship changing is always much more difficult than people anticipate. 

Often people get angry with themselves for not sticking with 'the programme' or they suffer criticism or 'friendly' teasing from friends and family members who can't understand that the person won't stick with their decision.

I thought the following stage model of change from Prochaska and DiClemente  might be a useful piece of information to help people in their process of Change. My advice: don't be too hard on yourself. Change is a process that often goes back and forth. It may have distinct stages, but don't expect to manage them in a clear line. As always: Self-compassion goes a long way.

Stage of Change	Characteristics	How can you help and encourage the person ?
Pre-contemplation	Not currently considering change: "Ignorance is bliss"	Validate lack of readiness Clarify: decision is theirs Encourage re-evaluation of current behavior Encourage self-exploration, not action Explain and personalize the risk of not changing
Contemplation	Ambivalent about change: "Sitting on the fence" Not considering change within the next month but getting emotionally ready to implement change	Validate lack of readiness Clarify: decision is theirs Encourage person to look at the pros and cons of behavior change Identify and promote new, positive outcome expectations that will come with change
Preparation	Person has some experience with change and is trying to change: "Testing the waters"  - preparation could be f.e. looking up information, saving money, Planning to act within 1month	Identify and assist in problem solving re: obstacles Help patient identify social support Verify that patient has underlying skills for behavior change Encourage small initial steps
Action	Change has been made and new behavior needs to be practiced. This takes about 3-6 months. People need a lot of support and encouragement in this phase.	Focus on restructuring cues and social support Bolster self-efficacy for dealing with obstacles Combat feelings of loss and reiterate long-term benefits
Maintenance	Continued commitment to sustaining new behavior Post-6 months to 5 years	Plan for follow-up support Reinforce internal rewards i.e. feeling better, more self-confidence etc. Discuss coping with relapse
Relapse	Resumption of old behaviors: "Fall from grace"	Evaluate trigger for relapse Reassess motivation and barriers Plan stronger coping strategies

What Is Grief?

It is safe to say that grief will be experiences by every person at some point in their lives. Although grief is integral and unavoidable as we move from birth to death, it is one experience that causes some people to struggle considerably. A common romantic notion is that ‘grief is the price we pay for love’. If we lose someone or something we have cared for deeply, we respond by grieving that loss.

The Grieving Process

A lot has been written about the grieving process. The Kuebler-Ross model, also known as the grief cycle, is probably the best known description of the grieving process. Dr. Kuebler-Ross’ model offers 5 stages of grief that needs to be traversed for grief to be resolved. However, grieving does not always, or better hardly, follow a clean model of stages. Kuebler-Ross has already pointed out that grieving is a very individual process. People may wander back and forth in the grief cycle, repeat stages over and over again, and may get stuck at some point. The 5 stages are:

Why Do You Feel The Way You Do?

The secret to effective and successful in communication with a partner, friends, family, colleagues, or acquaintances lies in a person knowing her/himself. Only when you know yourself, when you know why you act, behave, and being aware about your beliefs and values will you be able to understand the other person.

Why is that? That’s a good question. It has to do with the way our brain functions. We will never be able to encounter another person without projecting or transferring material from our own life onto the other person. Everyone transfers feelings (positive or negative) they have about significant people in their childhood onto people in the present that have traits that remind them in some ways of the person from the past.

Long or Short Term Therapy

When I go to see a doctor for a health issue, I hope to be given the treatment and/or advice that will get me 'cured' as soon as possible. I assume the same goes for many people who go to see a therapist for their emotional and/or mental health problems. They hear the phrase "long term therapy" and are probably immediately put off the idea. Understandably, everybody wants to be 'cured' quickly.